Posts Tagged ‘anger’

Posted on June 22, 2009 - by Andy McMahon

Lately

I haven’t written a lot lately.

I read Ragamuffin Gospel and it jacked me up.  God has entered my life full time, and it’s really jacking me up.

I am struggling through a lot of things, that I am trying really hard to deal with.  I’ve become my mother in a lot of ways, and it bothers me.

I try so hard to not let my anger show, or worse, say things I will regret, but I do.

I’m praying God will move me through these times.  I’m praying God will soften my heart, and help me be the man I want to be.

Thank you to who ever still stops by.  I will start writing again soon.  Once I work all this stuff out, there will be some real, authentic, and probably uncomfortable writing going on here.

Thanks for your prayers.

Posted on November 17, 2008 - by Andy McMahon

Healer.

I find it hard to believe my life is what it is today.  I’ve gone into details in some of my stories, so I am sure you can understand my doubt.  Here’s where my awe stands.

I have been healed.  No, I wasn’t blind and I could always walk, (Most of the time without falling up stairs or something.)  No, I wasn’t a mute or a leper.  I was an addict.  I can say with (almost) 100% certainty that you could take away everything I love in my life, and lay any drug in front of me, and I will not touch it.  I don’t crave it.  I don’t miss it, I don’t need it. 

I used to be a very angry person.  You can ask any brick wall, car door, sheet rock, or some people.  They will tell you, I was quick to throw a punch.  I’ve actually been told that if I punch with my left hand again it will most like shatter. (Due to some incorrect healing from several broken hands I never took care of.)  OK. Hear me on this.  I still get angry, and sometimes it’s overwhelming.  But it’s been quite some time since I’ve punched a hole in something, smashed my head against a car, wall or refidgerator.  I have prayed through all of these things, and I feel like a new person.  I feel completely different. 

I’m not writing this to brag.  Truth is.  When I seperate myself from God, which I think we all do from time to time, I am nothing.  I am a weak sorry excuse for a human being.  With God, I’m a new person.  A person who is filled with love, remorse, and who isn’t afraid to say “I’m sorry.” (most of the time.) 

I am sure Andrea can tell you some stories, and I am sure she will agree that I am a different person from even a year ago.  I am sure Andrea will tell you, if I didn’t pray through my struggles, and God hadn’t intervened, she probably would not be my wife today.  Andrea has seen me at my lowest, and prayed with me through it.  Listened to me cry out to God, and has seen the change. 

I write this rambling of what I think is a coherant thought to say one thing.

GOD IS GREAT!

Posted on July 11, 2008 - by Andy McMahon

What a Day!

So, I get to work this morning, and all hell has broken loose.  Seriously.  I’m thinking, ah,  this will take a few hours to work, as I timidly dial Microsoft up. (It’s free support when their updates crash you)  I knew it was going to be a task to get anything done, I had NO CLUE what I was getting into.

As 4:00 rolled around, I had to go.  I do have other stuff going on you know.  It’s insane.  At least 5.5 hours on the phone.  Arguing, losing my temper, cursing, everything I really try not to do.  I did.

When I got home again, I hopped back on our server, and fixed everything Microsoft did wrong to fix the initial problem.  Something about that doesn’t seem right, but, hey, it’s Microsoft, if I complain too much, there might be a sniper after me.  But I digress.  Long story short, everything is at least temporarily fixed.

After I finished all of this, I was thinking.  Why do I still have the urge to do all of these things?  Curse, Yell, argue?  I do honestly try to live everyday for God.  I guess what it comes down to is the dying daily thing.  I guess that is something I struggle with.  Dying daily, to me, sounds a lot like being humble.  Not exactly my strong suit.  Admitting I am weak?  That’s not my bag, baby!  I guess, there is nothing appealing about it at all.

I have to remind myself that I don’t get saved, and that’s it.  It takes work, like anything beautiful.  Why is it so easy to say, but so hard to live out in the moment?  When the real tests come, I fail.  Well, at least 50/50, but I’d wager more.  Why is it so hard to die?  Weird question?

What are your thoughts?  What do you have a hard time with?  Any advice?  I’m all ears.