Archive for the ‘uncategorized’ Category

Posted on December 29, 2009 - by Andy McMahon

Negativity.

My wife knows better than anyone.  I can be the nicest person in the world.  I can also be the meanest, pitbull-esque person on earth.  It’s easy to be negative.  I think that’s why it’s so easy for me to slip back to that place.  It’s easy for me to get mad, hold grudges, stay angry, pick on people.

It’s hard for me to admit that I hold them.  It’s hard for me to confess the plank in my eye.  It’s hard for me to say things like, “you’re right.” or “I’m sorry.” 

I struggle with it daily.  But, I am making the effort to say those things.  I am making an effort to apologize for things I’ve done wrong.  I am working on improving my temper, and in turn my relationships one at a time.

I do not want to sit here and make ‘goals for 2010′.  That’s not my bag.  I do want to say though, that life is a continuous effort, and my effort is going to be focusing on love.  Focusing on sharing that love with anyone I come in contact with.  My effort is to be the husband, father, friend, stranger that people look at and strive to be like.  My effort is to be Love. 

Happy new years folks.  Don’t make resolutions.  Don’t make goals.  Be the change you want to see in others.

Posted on December 10, 2009 - by Andy McMahon

Weight

It’s no secret I have been struggling with my weight lately.  But, that’s actually not what I want to write about today. 

My whole life I’ve had issues.  Like, serious issues.  I had a sack full of things that I had drank myself past.  Things I had never dealt with.  Things that, when they happened, I simply made jokes about them, and buried them in the back of my naive little mind. 

a little over two years ago Andrea decided we needed a ‘break’.  I had started drinking again.  I was turning in to a jackass, and Andrea knew where that was taking me.  When she broke up with me, I continued drinking.  One thing she kept telling me was I had issues I needed to work on.  I didn’t want to focus on that.  I wanted to focus on why she didn’t love me, blah blah blah.  I was a broken, broken man.

When I stopped drinking, still single, I decided I needed to go on a journey.  Not a physical journey, but an emotional one.  I started praying heavily for God to lift my weight.  I started praying for God to work me through my pain.  For God to lift:

• The death of my sister (and the last things I said to her.)
• The death of my mom (and the last things I said to her.)
• The death of my best friend (and the fact that I didn’t feel I was a good friend)
• The death of numorous other friends
• The pain of a molestation
• The pain of an abusive childhood
• The pain of being addicted
• The pain of not forgiving myself

 

This stuff was really weighing me down.  Somedays it physically hurt to get out of bed.  Every night, I would lay in bed, crying, praying, hurting, alone.  On top of this, fighting the urge to not go get a beer.  For weeks I did this.  (On top of the years I had been hurting)

One night, I had a dream.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  I don’t know where I was but, my mom, my sister, and Matthew were all there.  Each of them took about 1 minute to talk to me.  They each spoke directly to my pain.

“Let it go man, you were a great friend.  You were there for me when no one else was, I love you man.  It’s not your fault. You need to forgive yourself Andy. You’re a great person, a great friend.”

“I know you love me.  I’ve known that since the day you were born.  We had a rough history, but I’m your mother.  I love you. I love you. I miss you.”

“Hey, We’re siblings, we fight.  Who would have known that I was going to die that day.  I love you. It’s not your fault.”

Either I didn’t have any time to ask them questions or I couldn’t think of any. It ended just as fast as it began. 

I woke up.  I woke up happy.  I woke up lighter.

That was the day I realized I could love again.  That was the day I started to grasp a love I was never able to grasp.  That was the day Jesus revealed himself to me.  That was the day I knew, no matter what happens in this world, I can see myself past it. 

That was the day I forgave myself. That was the day I learned to love myself.

That was the day I believe Jesus came down, and personally lifted all of that weight off of my shoulders so I could live my life and love to the fullest.

Posted on December 3, 2009 - by Andy McMahon

Compassion Thursday

Another chance for you to help a child in need.   If you can sponsor Zurisaday – please click here

Name:	Zurisaday Valderrama Avendaño (CO6720028)
Birthday:	June 28, 2004    Age: 5
Gender:	Female
Region:	South America
Country:	Colombia
Program:	CDI Vidas Nuevas

Personal and Family Information:
Zurisaday lives with her father and her mother. Her duties at home include running errands and cleaning. There are 3 children in the family. Her father is employed as a church worker and her mother maintains the home.

Zurisaday is not attending school because she is too young. Singing, playing house and playing with dolls are her favorite activities. She also attends Bible class regularly.

Because of your sponsorship, Zurisaday will have new opportunities to learn and grow physically, mentally, and spiritually. Thank you for your concern and prayers.

Posted on June 8, 2009 - by Andy McMahon

Real Mother

I was recently talking to a friend/the guy I was kinda named after/my mom’s friend from high school in Kuwait.  We were talking about how she was, and her addictions.

It was a really great conversation.  It helped me remember my “real mom”.  I got the opportunity to weed through my memories, and recall what she was like sober.  And you know what….. she was a good mom.  It’s hard to think that drugs of some sort controlled her for a good part of her life.  It is nice to look back at the memories of her, and remember the times she was clean, and the unmistakable love she had for all of her children.

My mom died this day 4 years ago.  The last words I said to my mother weren’t nice.  As a matter of fact, they were probably some of the most hurtful words I’ve ever said.  But, I can live knowing that she did know I love her and know that she loves me.  The hurt is still with me, but a rejoice to know that she isn’t in pain.  She isn’t suffering from addiction anymore, and that she is again, my real mom.  I know she loves me, and that feels good.

Mom, I love you.

Posted on May 13, 2009 - by Andy McMahon

A Nation Wide Pandemic!

I was reading about the swine flu this morning.  *I read that in America there are 2600 reported cases which resulted in 3 deaths.  That means that under .01% of people infected by the virus will die.   After .03% of our population is even infected by the swine flu.

Because of the swine flu, they’re closing schools, landing planes saying not to ride the subway. (OK, that was Biden, but still)  The nation is in a panic.  Understandably so.  There is something wrong. The nation wants a plan.  We want to know what we can do to avoid it.  Is there something we can drink, a class we can take that will tell us what not to do?  How can we NOT get this HIGHLY contagious virus. (.03%)

In America, the divorce rate is 50%.  50%.  That means that either you or me are going to get a divorce.  That means, that by the end of my life, 1/2 of my friends are going to be married, and divorced.  That means 50% of my friends kids are going to have to go through that.  That means that every other car you see on your way to work today, is either divorced or will be divorced.  That means that there is something seriously wrong.

Why aren’t we reacting to the divorce rate like we are the swine flu?  Why?  The numbers are higher.  You are about 1000 times more likely to get divorced than you are to get the swine flu.  Why aren’t we asking the tough questions? How can we avoid this?  What can I do to make my marriage safe? Is there a class we can take?  Can I drink something (Or NOT drink something) to avoid this?  How do I make sure I’m not stuck in the ’stay together for the kids’ pandemic?

Where is the urgency for the important things?  When will we start to panic about the state of our relationships like we panic about the [media created] pandemics?  I urge you to pray about this today.  To pray about your friends and family.  I urge you to take the steps necessary to save and protect your marriage.

*My math isn’t 100% accurate, but the numbers I pulled are from the interwebs, so there some truth to them.

Posted on October 29, 2008 - by Andy McMahon

I have to brag a bit.

So, most of you know, I’m not too terribly ’skilled’ at code.  Some would say I’m subpar.

What I am good at is being hard headed, and not liking to lose.  When I am faced with losing, my brain stretches to unimaginable measures.  Tonight, that happened, and I was able to help a fellow blogger out with his site.

Most of you probably don’t know him, he’s just a small time blogger named Carlos Whitaker.

So, his comments were down for a while.  3 or 4 hours I think.  I helped, I solved the problem.  Once I solved the problem, I commented on his blog, and… the rest is in screenshot history.

If you can’t read that, I say, “Who’s your daddy?” and Los himself says, “Andy is.”

I’m not one to brag, but, I have fathered a man who is older than me, and far superior, (at least to technorati)

That’s pretty flippin sweet.  If this is your first time here, click around, leave comments, read away. There is some good stuff here somewhere.  If you find it, let me know!

I want to say, I love the blog community.  There are HUGE things happening in my life right now. (Mainly, I’m getting married in 3 days! but also, Andrea and I have joined a team of AMAZING bloggers over at http://www.caffeinatedfaith.com and we are doing huge things there.  More to come soon, including ways to help out charities of YOUR CHOICE.  (you’ll get something in return.)

This is truely a body of Christ, and that is what I strive to be.  The internet can be viewed as breeding grounds for a lot of negative things, and it makes my heart pump to be part of something that isn’t negative, and is actually a positive influence on peoples lives.

Can I get an AMEN?  How do you use the internet to form community?

Posted on October 26, 2008 - by Andy McMahon

Image (Repost from 6/11/07)

Before I start first let me point you to 1 Samuel 16:7

“The Lord does not look at the things human beings look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the Heart.”

Here we are back at the heart. Probably the first thing people forget about. It’s sad really, now with our culture, or “pop-culture” people are more concerned about their image.

Everyone wants to make an image for themselves. Some people want to be the emo, some the goth, some the football star, the debater, the theif or even the person who didn’t care what anyone thought of them (but really cared more). I was the same way. I wanted to be the grunge kid. I couldn’t just take on the look, I had to take the attitude, and the actions with it. I don’t miss those days. I wish I could accurately relay the feelings I had, the cutting, the crying at night, but then going to school, and making everyone laugh. It was tough. Life was tough. Why do kids do it to themselves?

You do not have to have an image. You do not have to wear name brands, or shirts that imply you drink or smoke pot to be cool! You do not have to drink or smoke pot to be cool! In fact, if you drink or smoke pot, you aren’t cool. You are just beginning your path of non-success and low self-esteem. Trust me. I’ve been there.

I thought I was cool when I could out drink everyone at the party when I was 15. I thought I was cool because I moved to Atlanta and knew all of the bar owners, and I even thought I was cool because I had done more drugs than anyone I have ever met. Guess what. I wasn’t. I took a step back. I heard what people were saying about me. Turns out, I was just one of those people at the bar, that I hated when my dad would take me there as a child.

So why are we so focused on what we look like or how people portray us? And, why is it that we almost always want people to portray us the wrong way. “I want people to think I’m a junkie-alcoholic that doesn’t care about anything.” I mean, that’s what I was practically saying in high school.

What are you saying? The way you dress? The things you say? The drugs you do? The parties you go to? The people you make fun of? What are you saying about yourself? Does it make you proud? Are you happy to be the stoner, gossiper, loose girl, or untamable guy? Is that the influence you want to set for younger children who may see you? Is that what you wanted to be when you were a child? Is that how you want to be remembered? Really? Where is your self-respect?

Look in the mirror, and stare at yourself in the eyes. Can you do it? I know I never could. If you can’t, evaluate yourself. Why can’t you stand to stare yourself in the eyes. What are you ashamed of, and what can you do to fix it?

Maybe this is a little too harsh but I don’t care. You are already an image. Some people may have respected you at some point, some people may still. Don’t let them down. Don’t let yourself down. Take a step back, stop caring about your false-image and be real. Be honest. Be what makes you proud. Be yourself.

Posted on October 24, 2008 - by Andy McMahon

Scared.

So.

There are now, officially 8 days until I am a married man.  I have to say, I’ve been as cool as a button so far.

Two days ago it happened.  I got scared.  I didn’t just get scared either.  I still am.  I am scared to death.  Not in the way you might think.  I know I am making the right decision.  I know that Andrea is the only girl for me.  I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt.  But, I am still scared.  I think I am scared about the wedding, and the vows, and all of that.

I mean.  The wedding is a big deal.  There will be a lot of people there, and what if I say something stupid?  What if I left some fundamental part out of my vows?  What if?  What if?  I could go all day.

So.  There.  I’m scared.  No longer am I ‘cool as a button’.  I am a nervous wreck.  Which probably won’t make anything better.  If you want to pray for me.  That would be friggin sweet.

Thanks.

Posted on October 20, 2008 - by Andy McMahon

Be Acceptable in Thy Sight….

Psalm 19:14

Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.

That is something that that I haven’t focused on much lately.  It’s no secret that I have a temper.  I think we all do to an extent.  I have been fairly good at just dealing with it, and not letting my temper get the best of me.  As of late, that’s not the case.

I am not good with stress.  There was a time that I was.  Not anymore though.  Now, stressful situations, or situations I perceive as stressful, really back me into a corner.  I don’t know how to react, and in turn, I end up taking it out on the person closest to me.  It’s sickening to step back and look at.

I don’t feel like I have done too much to help get ready for this wedding.  I don’t feel like I know enough about what is going on.  I feel like I am just lazy when it comes to the stuff that is going on.  For those of you who read this blog and have never planned a wedding, let me tell you.  It’s not easy.  That is probably the root of my temper lately.  Just not knowing what is going on.  I’m not a person who deals well with not knowing, and I deal even worse with feeling completely invald in a situation.  I feel like I’m standing over a man who is choking, and I don’t know the heimlich maneuver.  You know, the panicky feeling.  Yeah.  That describes the feeling.

I let it slip my mind that even in stressful situations, my words and my heart have to be “acceptable in Thy site.”  People don’t always get the benefit to take a situation and pray about it before they react.  It’s times like this that I need to be grounded in the Word, the Faith, and strong in my walk with Christ.  So my reaction can be acceptable in His sight.

That’s my prayer. That I learn this metaphorical heimlich manuever.

Posted on October 12, 2008 - by Andy McMahon

Life in 16 bit (repost from 8/13/06)

Everything seems to be going well. I don’t have a lot to complain about. My relationship with Jesus is growing by the day. My baptism is in one week. The list goes on. Yet, I still feel like Mario. Let me explain

The first video game Mario appeared in was Donkey Kong. The idea of the game, was to climb ladders, and incline planes, to eventually rescue to princess. The obstacles included, rolling barrels to dodge, the farther up you get, the faster and closer together the barrels seem to roll. About a quarter of the way up, you can grab a hammer, smashing anything in your way, making you virtually unstoppable.

I have a confession, I don’t believe I have ever beaten the first level of that game. Probably, the only game that I can say that about. So, I have no clue what comes next. If anything.

That’s how I feel now. See, starting off it was easy. Just started going to church, and enjoying myself learning. And then I grabbed the first ladder, I was saved. It got a little more difficult after that, a few more barrels to jump, but nothing I couldn’t handle. Just when it started to get a little more difficult, I jumped up and grabbed that hammer. Nothing, and I mean nothing could stop me. I felt invincible.

To climb the next ladder, you have to put down the hammer. (which I think could be translated metaphorically about a hundred different ways the beginning of someone’s Christian faith.) Jumping more barrels, or questions, and getting them answered, I am approaching another ladder, this ladder, I suppose is my baptism. In the world of Donkey Kong, I think this is about as far as I have ever gotten, on the plane with Donkey Kong, but never rescued the princess, and it’s because of nervousness.

Now, if you’ve ever played any video game at all, you know, when you are almost done with a level, or about to score that touchdown with three seconds less, or fighting the final boss, you know the feeling I’m about to describe. The controller is sweaty, your heartbeat is rising rapidly, and for some reason, you seem more prone to mistakes.

I know, in my heart, that I am going to make it past the baptism, and further my relationship with Jesus. But, in Donkey Kong, I don’t know what’s next, nor do I in faith. It’s scary, my palms are sweaty, my heartbeat is rising rapidly. What if I am more prone to mistakes?

I guess that’s as far as the Donkey Kong metaphor can take me. And the questions in my heart never seize. A struggle that you don’t know any answers to, is probably the most difficult to overcome. I know I will overcome this fear, or, uneasiness.

I just wish I knew what the next level was.

Is that for me to decide? No. I’ll leave this one up to God, do what he says, and I know I’ll be fine. I bet, that’s something Mario never thought of.

Man. God is Good!