Posted on January 8, 2009 - by Andy McMahon

I’m not Smart.

I am not smart.  I mean, I figure stuff out eventually, but all in all, I’m not.  I am not a scholar, and I am not a theologian, nor do I have deep knowledge of most things.

When I write, I write what I feel in my heart.  Most of the times I can’t even find words, because I think my heart is now experiencing things my brain can’t comprehend.  I guess that’s the glorious thing about God.  In seeing His Love, my love grows.

My relationship with my wife intensifies every day, and I can say we haven’t argued in a long time.  Every day, I take time to sit and think about her.  I know it sounds corny, but it’s true.  I take ten minutes or so to just sit and think about her, read her blog, and just think about the passion she speaks with, loves with and lives with.  Each day, I find myself short of breath, thinking about how it’s nearly impossible for me to love her as much as I do.  It feels like a good panic attack.  You know the feeling?

Now, once I’m done thinking about that, I can’t help but think, “Holy cow!  God loves me even more than that!  I can’t even wrap my head around my love for Andrea, and here I am, a complete loser with huge issues, and struggles with sin, and our God loves me more than I can imagine.  God has ‘good panic attacks’ because He loves me that much?  (No, I can’t back the panic attack part up biblically)  That’s how I imagine it.  Honestly, it brings me to my knees. I truly am not worthy of His love.  But he does it anyway.  He is more than worthy of our love, and sometimes, I struggle.

wow.