Posted on August 28, 2008 - by Andy McMahon

Man of the House.

The past few days have been very difficult.  To see my fiance hurt like she is hurting, kills me.  I don’t like it.  But, the last few days have been eye opening for me.  For the first time in my life, I have faith in my ability to be strong.  I have been able to stand by her side, and tell her honestly, everything will be ok.  I have been able to make her smile when she needed to smile, and through even my hurt, I have been able to protect her,  and see her through this.

I’m not bragging on myself. What I am saying is, I have NEVER felt God was moving in me so much.  See, I laid a prayer down for God before I proposed.  I asked him to carry me.  I told him I was letting my guard down.  It’s not that I didn’t trust him before, but there were spaces that were mine.  I didn’t want him involved.  I liked that when I was sad, I could pray, and when I was about to eat he’d bless my food.  I didn’t want him fiddling in my business though.  I didn’t want him hearing my deepest fears, or “not-so-holy thoughts”.

I didn’t feel complete.

Before I got engaged, I said, “God, I have never been a stellar family guy, probably because I have never been in a stellar family, or home situation.  I don’t know how to stand by someone. (I’ve never had to.) The only thing I know how to do is run.  Lord.  Teach me how to not run.  Teach me how to be supportive, teach me how to be a Man.”

It was one of the first times I remember not even thinking something like, “God, I did this, so you really need to do this” or, “If I do this, will you do this?”.  And he delivered!  He made me a man.  He made me someone who can be supportive, and understanding.  He made me everything I was missing in my house growing up.  He made me Love.

It’s crazy.  Over the last few months I have formed healthy, male relationships. (some online, and some off) and I feel like I have a support system, people I can talk to, People to hold me accountable.  Most importantly, people who will tell me the truth. (whether I like it or not.)

I love to say that all of this change is because of my deep love for Andrea.  Which is true.  It sparked the fear that sparked the prayer that asked for the change, but the reality of it is, God made the change, I just had to be willing.  I just had to reach up, and ask.  He loves us so much.  Do you grasp that?  I know I don’t.

What have you been unwilling to pray for, but when you did it was the best thing that has ever happened to you?